JON FRITZ rants

last nite i played what will prolly be my last gig with my trio…marc & wayne…consummate, quality, under appreciated musicians…its no coincidence that we gravitated to each other in 2005…and then recorded the “greatest album no one’s ever heard”…no coincidence….just energy meeting energy….it will always be there but now its taking an undisclosed hiatus….love u guys…u rock…we got virtually no respect as a band but we will never say we didnt give 100% and leave it all on the stage (or cement floor in most cases)….thx my musical mates– my 3-piece playing on the deck of the titanic

just a few hours after i wrote my blog on fear, i feel so much better…i processed, meditated & let go…actually let someone else take some decisions and i fed off of that…everything happens for a reason and nothing in gods world (the present) happens by mistake…im still so open to so much…the universe will reveal my path and what is good for me to experience….yet it doesnt even matter which path–it will be the correct one either way

i have tons of it now….tons….and anxiety….i have my tickets bought to ecuador and i am scheduled to leave sunday march 11th but im having doubts that its the right move…i wont share on here from where the doubt emanates but suffices it to say, i dont have the overwhelming confidence i once had and quite frankly im scared…my mantra has always been that whatever decision i take is the right one, but with moving to ecuador i dont feel that comfort or level of confidence…more fear, anxiety and intrepidation….but, i do know this…an answer & peace will come in T I M E…..and in hindsight i will be able to see how this present situation has all meshed out for the ultimate good…just right now, im not feeling that overwhelming peace about it..thats all…it will resolve itself in time

and fuck u…and fuck u…oh, and fuck you…u dont like my song selection? fuck u…oh and fuck you

everything is what it is…there is such peace in that for me…i cant explain it nor do i explain MYSELF anymore…i just am what i am…if u have a problem with me, than thats on YOU…im done explaining myself to people and i certainly dont hold anyone in higher regard than i hold myself…i have tons of answers within ME…ur answers may work for you but i dance to a different beat from a distant drum so go fuck urself lol

31 days have come and gone and just like the rest of my life, so much has transpired that was beyond my control and beyond prediction…maura is one example and charlie is the other…maura is the woman i met online and subsequently fell in love with & charlie is the argentinian bass player i met when he was jammin on a street corner a block from my hostal…both were a product of having to make a first move (maura i had to be on the dating site in the first place and charlie i had to walk over to when i could have just as easily walked on by him)….but the god-part of the encounters is what transpired after we met….maura is now my girlfriend & charlie is now part of the duo “the love spot”…couldnt have planned these encounters or their eventual favorable outcomes any other way…thank u god & thank u for quito…40 days i return to live here…but thats just a plan…

he has delivered me Maura…an hour after i was robbed at knifepoint, i met her in plaza foch and 3 seconds into the meeting, we were in love….plain & simple…no mystery…no dating, no fuckin small talk like bitches in the USA crave…we will marry and will live happily ever after…no ifs, ands or buts…..and fuck all of you who over the years gave me inane advice on women and relationships cuz ya’ll dont have a fuckin clue about love…and she and i will live here in quito– not the US of fuckin A cuz there, she would be eaten alive by the culture…thats why i chose to find my woman here in latin america– the women here arent jaded, materialistic & egoic…they have a humbleness that american– excuse me USA women (real america is down here) will NEVER experience until they have to take buses and cabs to work and earn about $300 a month….FUCK USA WOMEN (and my daughter is american)…..i have arrived at last after a 10 year search for the dream woman…all the trips to costa rica, panama & peru have FINALLY paid off…..love has arrived….i regret nothing and everything has transpired for a reason….

if god didnt instill this insane desire to seek out women for whatever, i swear to god  my life would be soooo different…there would be less pain and headache and more time for myself to be with myself and enjoy myself….i am going to pray to god right now that he removes this obsession to want to be with a woman…i would prefer to be one of those ancient males who had their balls cut off…then at least this imperious desire would finally be lifted…all my life since 14 years of age, women & relationships with them have  s u c k e d…this is no exaggeration but my truth

i have been able to stay here all day…in the moment…its wednesday here in quito and i have absolutely nothing pressing nor do i have any demands on me…i didnt sleep real well but i feel rested now….could be my heart & lungs are still getting used to the lack of oxygen in the air…i feel ok breath-wise and i even speed-walked over an hour the last two mornings…i doubt its diet cuz i dont go to bed with food in my stomach…it just is what it is…i havent taken my blood pressure in a while but im sure its normal…ive been eating really well & have prolly lost at least ten pounds (my goal)…im more & more pumped to move here march 11…have a bunch of things to do when i get back to dc: apply for my 6month visa with the ecuadorian embassy; sell off some music equipment; play about 20 gigs, and pretty much thats it…my gigs will be like a farewell tour…i will have a very very slight bump in fan attendance but not much…afterall, this is my second “goodbye”….but this is different cuz im going to move here…i have at least one gig lined up with the possibility of 4…i have a cool bass player who is like me in that he only wants to play music…lots of good things happening here…many many viable connections…i have the ‘backup’ of teaching english but i dont see that as my gig…music is my gig…i will have prolly two months to establish myself musically before any panic would set in…i have a terrific connection in marcelo, the owner of the hostal im staying at…he is already turning me on to a music agent and has connected me with some connected, well-to-do people…i currently have 3 female lead possibilities, yes, prospective girlfriends are ‘leads’ no different than a sales lead for a auto retailer….one is in a different world with regards to the timeline of love but if i were real real patient, i could have a valuable, sweet partner for life….the second is really really young and would move here from nicaragua to be with me…the third i have a date with on saturday so she is in the TBD category….then theres always the leads i generate on my most favorite dating site TAGGED and of course women i meet at gigs, thru friends or just random encounters….we’ll see…for now, im in the moment

it continues– my mania….one day im on top of the world…next day im lower than pidgeon shit…triggers? cause?  women & my music…since my first gf in 1975, i have been writing songs about them…interrelated, tied at the hip…they go hand-in-hand…i write/wrote when i was in love, when i was hurt by love, when i was seeking love…whether thru my music or women, i have always sought solace in the two, yet they are both manically fleeting…from my first real girl, kim, to my lastest yahaira, i have intertwined music with the relationship…i have used women & i have been used; i have fallen in love fast & then just as quickly ended it; i have been a target of love and i have pursued many women…i have confused love with lust and have lusted only for sex…i have been with super young women and women older than me…i am manic for love…becuz something is lacking in me? must be– why else would i look outside myself?  its not like ive ever been at peace being single, but then again, ive been in torment while involved with someone…so i guess the common denominator is ME…what to do? nothing…keep writing, keep loving, keep playing music…i dream of the day she is in my arms and she or i dont want to part…but one day, i will part and wont take her with me…so if the end game means we’re not together anyway, why pursue it here only for it to terminate eventually?? manic lol